Sry I called you an 8
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
