i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
