wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
