God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
