I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
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