The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
