I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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