at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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