Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize