Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
