but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
