And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
