operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
