This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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