So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
pop tarts are not kleenex
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
