she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
