I can't breathe out the right side of my face
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
