How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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