did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
