Three words: puerto rican gang bang
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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