I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
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