My friends, they love my intelligence
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Randomize
