Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
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