p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
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I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
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Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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