Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
