I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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