so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
