for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Please don't give away my fajitas
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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