and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
