I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
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Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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