just tell him i said nine months
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Randomize
