babies were throwing up all over the place
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
