Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Your penis caused this!
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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