Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
You ate ashes out of my bong
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
