im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
