So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
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