this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
