I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
