What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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