I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
