so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
