So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
