just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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