i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
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Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
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Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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