You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
