watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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