Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
