tell your sister to shave her snatch
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
