she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
