please come you make the beer taste better
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
