i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
