It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
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