I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
