just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I am one with the molecules
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
