Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
