I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
