the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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