Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
You don't make any sense
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