I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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