I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
