I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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