Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
