is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize