Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
