I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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