Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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